Spam accounts for 124% of email, spammers complain

Editor's Note, April 2, 2011: This was an April Fools gag post

According to a new report released today from Male Bomber LLC, more than one out of every email sent is spam. I knew the number was high, but 124 percent? That's what Male Bomber claims, and the company should know. Male Bomber specializes in targeted spam, working outside the jurisdiction of law enforcement. Well, so the company claims. Executives won't reveal exactly where they operate, and Male Bomber uses sophisticated botnets, rather than its own servers, to dispatch spam.

"It's cheaper that way," says CEO Barracuda. That's one of his online identities. Barracuda wouldn't release his real name, and Betanews couldn't verify his identity at post time. The report shows 786 percent increase in phishing spam since Microsoft helped take down the Rustock botnet about two weeks ago. "Rustock pumped out 40 percent of all global spam," Barracuda explained. "They were a tough competitor, and we're glad to see them gone." (I could hear him spit over the Skype voice call.)

The report identifies increased competition among spammers as causing frustration for old-timers and leading to improved spamming techniques. "Competition is good for product development," says Barracuda. Male Bomber claims a three-fold increase in the effectiveness of its phishing email and five-fold for targeted marketing since early 2009 -- hence the LLC to its name. Male Bomber profits from illicit and legit (if unsolicited marketing email can be called that) spam operations.

While spamming is now more evenly distributed among seven larger organizations since Rustock's fall, there is still too much spam out there. Phishing has proved so successful, values for stuff sold on black market auction sites are declining. "Christ, there are so many stolen identities and credit cards it's killing our profit margins," complains spammer FUCIA (which stands for "f*ck you Central Intelligence Agency;" I had to ask).

However, FUCIA concedes that business is still good, just not as good for him personally as it was 24 months ago. He laughs about all the stupid "tards" who clicked on anything during the recession: "Mortgage refinancing, debt consolidation, credit card fraud warnings -- it was good phishing while it lasted."

But the recession also opened the floodgates of new spammers, who set up servers to "blast" email. "They have no class," FUCIA gripes. "There's an art to this business spammer blasters are too f*cking morons to see." Rustock rose to dominance following the 2008 global economic crisis, FUCIA claims.

"We used to worry about the cops, now our problem is competition," Barracuda gripes. That's the major reason Barracuda is glad to see Rustock gone. "No spammer should command such influence," he said. "It's bad business for everyone else."

Barracuda has called on his competitors to adopt a proposed "Code of Ethics for Spammers" that would better demarcate them from their real enemies -- law enforcement, Microsoft and peddlers of anti-malware software. "We have to work together against our real adversaries," Barracuda says. He has created a motto for the code of ethics: "I've got your back."

FUCIA believes cooperation is possible. "We all want to make money, and the Internet is big enough for us all." He alleges -- and Betanews couldn't confirm -- that three spammers, all members of the code of ethics coalition, leaked information on forums and Facebook that helped Microsoft and law enforcement bring down Rustock. "We posted first to IRC, sure that the bad guys [Microsoft and law enforcement] would get it," FUCIA says. "They didn't. LOL! And we had been all so sh*t for brains they monitored IRC. We had to dumb it down for them on Facebook. WTF?"

Barracuda is happy now that "monopolist Rustock" is out of the way. The challenge now: To keep the spam flow even among all spammers and to better manage cooperation. But he has reservations. "Competition made our products better. We need to keep our edge."

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