Google Gulps Down April Fool's Day

Just because Google has gone public doesn't mean it can't partake in some April Fool's Day laughs. The search giant has unveiled a line of juice drinks called Google Gulp, which claim to make you more intelligent and less thirsty. Each Gulp features "Auto-Drink" technology that changes one's brain chemistry for the better.

Although company officials say you'll need a PhD from Stanford to comprehend how Google Gulp works, the drink essentially speeds up the process of electrical impulses in the brain. It may sound dangerous, but Google says it's "pretty sure you won't die."

To obtain a supply of Google Gulp, you must turn in a used Gulp Cap at a local grocery store. Those lacking a Gulp Cap can get them from friends. And if you don't know anyone who can give you one? Well, "that just means you aren't cool," Google says.

Like many of its product offerings, Google Gulp is currently in beta. In a FAQ about the drink, the company explains its reasoning behind the decision and takes a swing at Microsoft in the process.

"We'll commit when we're ready, okay? Besides, what's so great about taking things out of beta? It ruins all the romance, the challenge, the possibilities, the right to explore. Carpe diem, ya know?"

"Maybe we're jaded, but we've seen all these other companies leap headlong into 1.0, thinking their product is exactly what they've been dreaming of all their lives, that everything is perfect and hunky-dory – and the next thing you know some vanilla copycat release from Redmond is kicking their butt, the Board is holding emergency meetings and the CEO is on CNBC blathering sweatily about 'a new direction' and 'getting back to basics.' No thanks, man. We like our freedom."

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