RSSMy father's laptop: A humble machine's simple lesson
By Carmi Levy | Published September 24, 2009, 10:46 AM
As laptops go, it's nothing out of the ordinary. An average brand -- Compaq -- running an average operating system -- Vista -- used for the ordinary, average sort of things, like Web browsing and messaging. With its 17-inch screen, built-in webcam, and a hard drive with enough capacity to store everything I've ever written, it's the kind of machine that pretty much defines mainstream computing.
The difference is this was my father's machine. And after getting a middle-of-the-night call yesterday from my mom saying he had passed away, just like that, it was the first thing I saw after I got to their house and walked into the living room.
There it sat on the portable stand he had bought, in exactly the same spot where just hours earlier, he had been working, finishing up his nightly round of online research and e-mailing. In exactly the same spot where he suddenly slipped to the floor, felled by a sudden, massive heart attack after a dozen years fighting heart disease. In exactly the same spot where my computer-phobe mother had left it after I had her carefully remove the power and USB cables to keep it safe from the inevitable crowds of visitors.
He came late to the technological game. After years of insisting that his old WebTV set-top box was all he needed to experience the Internet, he finally relented last year and agreed to move up to a real computer to stay in the same orbit as his increasingly Web savvy grandchildren and friends. He spent months researching the ultimate deal, often calling me to commiserate over the latest Best Buy catalog. After short-listing the most likely candidates, he'd listen patiently as I weighed the merits of each one and carefully tried to explain why one or another did or did not fit his needs.
When the planets finally aligned and the particular model at the top of our ever evolving hit list had its price slashed by some $300, he pulled the trigger and brought it home. Like any overgrown kid in a toy store, the new plaything occupied his every day and his every conversation. For months, every friend of his -- and even some total strangers -- knew he had scored the deal of the century. And for months, those same friends -- and strangers, too -- could count on a daily dose of e-mailed wisdom from my increasingly wired and wireless father.
For the 13 months that he used it, the machine served its purpose well, allowing him to video chat with our kids and critique their latest batch of pictures. Often during the day, he'd ping me in Google Talk and we'd talk...about what he was up to, what I was up to, and what music I should be listening to as I did it. He could have just as easily phoned, but speaking online seemed cooler to him, and somehow gave his voice an added bit of zing. It was something he could share with me in ways that no phone could ever match. If I wasn't around, he'd leave a message, and add to an archive of sound bites that at some point we'll feel ready to listen to.
So why do I bring any of this up? Because through my formerly Luddite father, I was able to view the market for consumer technology through a unique lens. To him, the machine was the vessel through which he connected to the most important people around him. He spent his days experimenting with ways to make those connections stronger, using e-mail to invite dignitaries to his synagogue's 50th anniversary and manage his Meals on Wheels driving schedule. If he didn't know something, he knew whom to ask. He went from denying he needed any of this stuff to basing much of his day on it. In doing so, he turned himself into the perfect use case for the typical non-techie consumer who had a lot of stuff to do and needed a flexible solution to help him get it all done.
And I, as his on-call support team, was challenged to explain the complex to him in ways that he understood, that were relevant to a 74-year-old man who just wanted to share pictures of his grandkids with anyone who cared. It kept me focused on the "why" of technology, and his voice in my ear reminded me that as important as specs, feeds and speeds are, at some point they all end up in the hands of someone who just wants to get stuff done.
His computer still sits on the stand where he was working right up until the moment he died. The stickers he haphazardly plastered onto the palmrest are still there, too, testament to someone who never missed an opportunity to put his stamp on everything around him. For the last 13 months of his life, this was a critical window on the world for him, and seeing it sit, idle and dark, only reinforces what's been lost. To the uninitiated, it looks like an average piece of hardware. To him, it was anything but.
As I stare into my own laptop and wonder about my own use of technology and what it all means, or should mean, I think of how his computer transformed him in the last chapter of his life. If technology has to have a meaning, I'd like to believe that this would be it.
Carmi Levy is a Canadian-based independent technology analyst and journalist still trying to live down his past life leading help desks and managing projects for large financial services organizations. He comments extensively in a wide range of media, and works closely with clients to help them leverage technology and social media tools and processes to drive their business. He misses his dad, too.
This is a perfect essay to share with those reluctant to step into the Matrix; I'd love to zip it to every retirement community or household where residents fear the age of the computer. The unknown can be frightening and many believe it's impossible for old dogs to learn new tricks. Your pup of a dad proved the opposite and inspiringly so :).
Beautiful, Carmi. While I'm grieved for your loss and subsequent pain, I'm encouraged by your writer's voice.
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|Thanks, everyone, for your kindness during this most difficult time. I appreciate it very much. May we all celebrate only happies in future.
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|I'm sorry, but this is just a ridiculous "story" and his little need to be here.
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|A very touching story, thanks for sharing it with us.
Sorry for your loss.
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|My condolences. I am writing this comment using my sister's laptop.
She died in may 2008 at 38 years old and I perfectly know how you feel.
May your father rest in peace.
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|My sincere condolences. As you probably know, it's a pretty great honor to die during the Yamim Nora'im (leading to Yom Kippur tomorrow night).
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|Sorry for your loss Carmi. I had an Aunt pass away earlier this week, so I feel for ya.
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|I feel great appreciation for the article.
My father will be 80 in January/2010 but he is very ill with a lot of
helath complications but he felt similar to your father about technology until his concentration capabilities were diminished few months ago. You see, one of his major problem is the alzheimer which is making him forget most of his recent experiences.
He is a radio/tv electronic engineer (who use to speak in four languages, who had an elephant memory about history specialyy all related to Western civilization, etc) and learned to use his desktop in this case late in his life, about 10 years ago.
I strongly believe that we should consider all your exposition and all other comments as a guide for all of us. I being deeply involve with IT for the last2 26 years and always wondering when we will stop to update ourself about the advances and changes in this field.
I am 60 and still working and don't have a clue when I will retire.
Meanwhile technology keep moving and we need to make good plans in order to use future technology both for our benefits and thos who are around us who don't seem to see the neet for it.
I hope that whatever we don't do now we wouldn't regret in the future.
Best regards!
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|Sorry about your lose. It's really a touching story, and I really like the last sentence.
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|Your father was telling me about the web-tv last Sunday, at Harvey's house. He was a nice man, and he will be missed by all.
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|I'm sorry to hear of your lose, I lost my father 3 years ago and it seems like yesterday still.
My father died a day after his 80th birthday and never chose to use a computer. I'm a IT manager & consultant and my father was a private pilot when he was younger. In his late 60's he suffered a major stroke that left him paralyzed and in a wheelchair. His eyesight was so bad because of it I bought him a 52" bigscreen rear projector TV.
One day sitting with him I got the idea to bring my laptop with Microsoft Flight Sim over along with my steering yoke and see if I could get him interested since he was a pilot once.
His eyes went wide at how realistic the sim was and I would ask him what I needed to do at certain points of flight.
To make a few years of mutual enjoyment short; that technology brought us together in a way that we would not have had if it wasn't available. It gave my father a chance to relive the most enjoyable time of his life flying from New Jersey to Florida every couple weeks to just be able to sit on the beach in Miami.
Thanks for your article, I hadn't thought of those times with dad for a while.
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|+1 great addition
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|my English is not perfect but I'll try to say it by copying some of the the other commenter's responses that seem like what I am feeling . .
Thank you for touching my heart today... I needed that...
Sorry about your loss
My sincerest condolences to you and your family Carmi. You have made my day everyday for years since I read BetaNews because I feel that this is the only place I can come to read things that I like and noone else around me understands, I live in a third world country, in a rural area, for that reason you have become like a friend for me . . and I really feel sorry for how you must feel, I know that talking about the laptop is just a pretext and you just needed to share your pain, I completly understand, and you should rely on God, I know this last comment is very personal but you made me feel like I can say it, bacause for years I hae seen this site as a very techy site, but this is the fisrt time someone gave it a Human side, this is the first time someone says something with their hearts.
You know all of your readers are with you and your family . . May God Bless you always . .
Sincerely . .
Noel.
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|And may God bless you, Noel.
Scott
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|Beautiful story of such an ugly thing...
Thank you for touching my heart today... I needed that...
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|Sorry about your loss, and that was a very insightful article.
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|First, I'd like to offer my condolences for your loss. Second, good article; it brings up a great point about how technology can change life for the better. As Director of IT, it's nice to get refreshers like this to remember that what we take for granted is something a lot of people view with wonder. It's a great idea to look at things from that perspective every once in a while.
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|My sincerest condolences to you and your family Carmi. May he R.I.P.
My Mom's at the stage where I've JUST managed to get her using a laptop. It's like pulling teeth for me and for her I think. I'm eager for her to take the initiative and she has zero patience, so when she doesn't know how to do something and has noone to ask she gets fed up and turns it off, but I'd like to get her into it the way your Dad was. It's an awesome tool. Some people say technology has managed to make things cold and indifferent, and I believe that in some cases that's true. But in many other cases I think it brings us together as well. Skype, Instant Messengers, Photo sharing tools....all of these help to bring people closer while they're miles apart.
Take Care
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|Best article I've read of yours yet. I think we often loose sight of the emotional connection we have with Technology. Thank you for this. Well written, very well written.
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|Carmi,
I appreciate you taking the time to write this at such a difficult time in your life. I also understand why it had to be done that way... certain emotions can only be captured as they are being felt. It is also a very good homage to someone you clearly respected and loved -it is evident in the way you wrote this piece-.
I am grateful to all these advances in computing. Aside from being able to do number-crunching and be productive, to me their main asset is how it allows me to remain close to my loved ones, all of which live far away (the closest on of them is 12 hours away by car, and some live in a different country altogether). I'm happy to see your dad found the same sort of enjoyment out of his computer, and you should be too, since you were instrumental in getting him there. I hope you find solace knowing this.
Take care.
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|This article has made me think ALOT of my own Dad of 56 y/o and how he uses his PentiumII/XP box to check the lotto...thats all he knows how to do!
I missed a call from him last week and it took me 4 days to return his call. I need to spend more time with him and stop using the "I live 1hr away" excuse! :-/
RIP to Mr Levy Sr.
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|Def. brings things to light. Certainly things we all now take for granted. It is rather amazing how far we've come in so little time. Condolences for your family too. Sorry to hear about your loss.
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|Heh. Sounds like you had the "What the hell am I doing?" computing moment. The answer is: changing 0s and 1s on something. This is earning you money, it's helping arrange your father's schedule, and it's doing the same set of things for people the world over.
It is *completely* mad that we can communicate with people in a different country via millions of 0s and 1s, earn money out of it, and get entertainment out of such a ridiculous set of circumstances; and all from within a tiny box.
Nice article.
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|Carmi, my condolences for your loss. This was a wonderful article. It really made me reflect on some of the moments I've had with family recently. First I'll say that my parents always felt that it was important to have technology in our home. But neither of my parents were computer literate themselves. my mother has just recently discovered online banking, and I believe it has really enhanced her life. My dad on the other hand doesn't really go around the computer that much.
My wife's 80+ year old grand parents are very computer literate, with some quirks. I think about how we went over recently and her grand mother was trying to "save" the photos we were sending her (from flickr) to DVD for a backup. After a little research it turns out she was just saving my actual flickr page to her computer :-)
I also think about our 80+ y/o great uncle who just got a facebook, or my friends mom who's never driven a car, but just got her first computer two weeks ago to stay in touch with her son in the Coast Guard living 2000 miles away (and is amazingly active on facebook).
The fact is it's amazing the world technology can open for people no matter how old.
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